“For every move that I show you there are at least 30 reversals. For each one of those reversals there are at least 30 more. It’s an infinite puzzle and right now you are only working on the 2 corner pieces.” This is a phrase I hear from my coach’s mouth about 100 times a week. It’s a chess game where even when you think you are 2 moves ahead of your opponent, they might be 4 moves ahead of you.
In the heat of battle, in the moment when you are getting beat every time you make a move this seems daunting and extremely frustrating. It’s also a good way to weed out the faint of heart.
But for a fighter, for those who embrace this humbling truth and learn from their failures this is an opportunity.
And that is what the people who stick it out are; we are fighters, warriors, gladiators, children of war who do not don the cloak of impotence to hide the violence in our hearts. We embrace it as part of what makes us unique.
We are more than survivors. We find a way to win.
This lifestyle is not for everyone. And no one thinks it should be. I truly believe that everyone is called to do something. And I believe that this is part of my journey.
A lot of people say I am a glutton for punishment. But honestly, I see beauty in what I do.
I see life reflected in it.
Do I get injured? Sure. Life hurts too. Is it pure misery from time to time? It sure is. So is life. As I sit here typing this article I have a broken nose and I am not exactly in the best of spirits from other life issues that are unrelated to my hurting face. Yet I still see life reflected in what I learn and how I struggle to fight and win, becoming a conqueror even when the odds are stacked against me.
I recently had dinner with one of my oldest and dearest friends. She is really more of a sister to me than a friend. We have walked together through divorce and death and children being born. Through heart breaks and struggles and even triumphs.
As we were driving through Dallas past some of our old stomping grounds I began to reflect on all the events, good and bad that we had seen each other through and how in some instances they seem like lifetimes ago.
I started looking back at my mindset during those times and how when I was young, I thought I was so smart. I knew what I was doing. I knew more than anyone about anything. It’s so strange to look back on my life and realize how much I have evolved and the more I learn the more I realize I don’t know. I look back on myself and think, “I was just a stupid young punk who probably shouldn’t have survived as long as I have!”
But all of the things that we went through along the way have brought me to this revelation about myself. A lot of the tragedies that we had to walk through were awful and some of the worst times I have ever been through and wouldn’t wish on anyone.
But even if I had a time machine, I wouldn’t take them back.
They have brought me to where I am and made me who I am and they gave me her as my sister and one of my dearest friends.
The infinite puzzle that is life is full of twists and turns and choices to be made.
Sometimes you come out on top and sometimes you meet an opponent who is 4 moves ahead of you and is getting ready to break your nose and you won’t even see it coming.
But that is the journey.
Ultimately, that will bring you to your final destination and hopefully give you a wonderful ride along the way.
So even though for every move that I make there may be 30 reversals, if you can’t embrace the humility of that and learn from your mistakes you won’t ever be able to see the big picture and you won’t ever be a victor; in life or in the ring.
Thanks for reading.
Peace and Love