By Daniel Zvereff (zvare-if) – Sundown United // Brooklyn
Five years ago i decided to embark on a life of adventurous travel in hopes that i would become a sort of artistic explorer. Every choice, action, and trip, for the past few years, has adhered to that philosophy. Yet, a few months ago in my Brooklyn apartment, I awoke from a a dream in a state if anxiety – I was falling through the sky with my back toward the ground, my eyes seeing only the clouds I past.
The idea that i could not see my approaching fate was terrifying in itself, but not knowing when it would hit was worse. In the past few months i began to notice a disparity growing between what i initially hoped to achieve and what i have actually achieved. The frustration from this resulted in a feeling of failure that came suddenly and unannounced. I began to second guess every decision i had made. I realized that the more i had traveled over the years the less i was understanding. Each time on the road, brought a more complicated world. The meaning and importance of my experiences were blurring, if i wanted to become interesting – the person I’d been striving for, how could i possibly do that if i had no answers?
However, one thing I’ve learned for certain: I know nothing. Suddenly there is no longer the black and white of my youth, just a huge expanse of gray. As i near the third decade if my life, my original grand vision of myself has dissipated like the vivid dream that becomes impossible to remember. It’s been replaced with uncertainty.
Still, there’s no doubt that an unexplored place wakes me up in the morning without a tired eye. The joy of being lost in foreign land transforms the very definition of luxury to: the pure pleasure of feeling curiosity, or experiencing that hidden moment that is so often overlooked.
Even though, I’ll never be certain as to whether I am still chasing something, or just running, I can count on the solitude and longing from a long journey to simplify and expose the root of my anxiety. by throwing everything away i hope to understand what is worth keeping. Flipping life upside down and shaking it to the point of chaos, i hope, will bring clarity. thats what I’m going to do here – I’m going to be cold and lost in a summer of ice.
The helicopter pilot looks back and nonchalantly yells, “The weather along the way is very bad! We may have to turn back”. Comforting.
The black ocean below is littered with broken ice that is surrounded by an impossibly turquoise water. The rhythmic beats of the helicopter vibrate through my body as we navigate around lunar rock formations that jut out of the ocean. Glued to the window, I have forgotten about the weather and everything else that occupied my mind. The indescribable beauty of Greenland has provided me with no complex revelations. Rather, it is that these stark landscapes demand only admiration. The large, never-ending mountains reach up towards the universe, beckoning the clouds to wrap around them like cotton blankets. These old giants inspire a simplicity and clarity of the mind: here humanity and its problems are left far behind.